Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
