your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
