He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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