I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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