Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
