I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
