life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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