I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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