I'm really into asian looking animals
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
