hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
