guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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