Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
