Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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