I wish I could punch you in the face.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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