Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
