I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
