my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
