so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize