I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
