I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
