Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
