How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
