the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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