Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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