Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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