i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
