i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
