It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
