How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
