do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
