We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
