suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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