I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
