i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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