I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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