i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
