Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
