Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize