This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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