Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
