I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
