Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
home. puking in laundry basket.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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