i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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