yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
