guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
