just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
