it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
