forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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