Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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