i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My balls are so social today.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
