I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize