remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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