Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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