Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
