I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize