the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
