Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
