dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
