Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
