I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
