hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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