We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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