I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
