He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
