plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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