your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
