My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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