There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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