Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
