i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
