This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Randomize