I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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