i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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