Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
