sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
