the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
