My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
