I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
