Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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