My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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