Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
