we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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