This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
