I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
