You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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