There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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