then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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