my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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