she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
