I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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