We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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