i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
