There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
