Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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