i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
