someone threw a dead crab at me
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize