I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
