what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
